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Button Money: Would You Rather be Right or Happy?

Yes, it does seem preferable to be both right and happy. But that’s often not a choice. Or, at least it’s not immediately available. So “both” is a goal. But until the goal is reached, which is your priority? Which would you rather have until you are sure of both?

Many people think they prefer to be happy. At least that’s what they say. But their actions speak otherwise. They pick and whine and moan and complain. There seem to be constant problems that are always someone else’s fault. They betray their true priority with a single word, “I prefer to be happy, BUT…”
The BUT says “I can’t be happy until everyone knows I am right.” But that statement itself is too straightforward; requiring self-disclosure and honesty. The more subtle expression—and more acceptable because it’s so commonly used—is, “If other people would stop doing things that annoy or hurt me, I could be truly happy.”
The reality is that there is always someone available to push your buttons if you make the buttons available. But they don’t push your buttons on purpose. Most of the time they don’t know your buttons exist, because they are busy attending to their own buttons. Bottom line; you are being You, they are being themselves. You can’t change them, but you can change yourself.

As Eleanor Roosevelt said, no one can make you feel bad without your permission. If you spend time grousing about other people, it’s likely you are not putting enough effort into being happy; preferring instead to be right. Each thing you feel a need to be right about is a button to be pushed. The very existence of the button gives tacit permission for other people to push it.
The type of change we’re suggesting doesn’t mean you should try to ignore or deny the annoying, irksome, or injurious behaviors directed your way. They are all very real—in your own mind. The key, therefore, is to change your mind. The buttons people push exist only in your mind. Reframing or eliminating the buttons leaves other people nothing to push; your problems evaporate, and all that’s left is happiness.

We know people who are right so much of the time that they don’t have time to relax and be happy. These are the perfectionists, the martyrs, and the door mats. They complain that other people ignore their advice, take advantage of their good nature, fail to recognize their talents, or have an unfair ability to get in ahead on good ideas. The other people always get the lucky breaks.
The insistent need to be right keeps happiness just out of reach. True happiness is blocked by alibis and excuses; the defensiveness of having to have things or do things your own way—the right way—or no way.

Over the next week or so, be mindful of occasions when you get annoyed with other people. Consider what button they are pushing. Remind yourself there is a good chance they don’t know the button exists. Then ask yourself why the button is there; what is it the button says about You, not the other person.
If you can’t see yourself functioning without that button, prepare for a life in which you are more often right than happy. That doesn’t mean you will be unhappy; but you won’t be as happy as you could be. Some buttons are easier to fix than others. The most persistent buttons may require help. That’s where the button money comes in. Buy a book. Attend a course. Seek out a knowledgeable professional. Some things you can’t fix on your own—and if you think you can, you may be right; but you won’t be as happy as you could be.  
 

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