Consider the last time you were angry? Ask yourself, “What was I really afraid of?”
As you analyze and reflect on the situation carefully and honestly, you will realize that the anger stemmed from a specific fear.
As the anger recurs, and you continue to examine the emotion underlying it, you will be able to identify a generalized fear. It may be fear of being hurt, abandoned, or rejected. Even though those sound rather basic, they are all based on the fear of not being good enough.
As you get closer and closer to that base fear, anger escalades. It cannot be contained and is, therefore, a hazard to you (as it implodes) or to others (as it explodes). You want to hurt whomever you perceive to be responsible for your fear; that is, either yourself or someone else. Fear manifests toward others (externally) as contentious outbursts or physical violence. It manifests personally (internally) as self-inflicted pain that is either physical or psychic.
Physical pain is experienced through most ‘body art’ but is also evident in excessive exercise that leads rationally to injury.
Examples of psychic pain would be illness and chronic ‘conditions’.
The point is that the sufferer often feels that the pain is somehow ‘deserved’, and therefore expected.
While a university professor of health education, I asked undergraduate students in a Communication Skills class to write 101 ways they might express themselves when angry. We then examined their
lists, identifying 1) expressions that reflected an intent to harm others, 2) expressions of harm towards themselves, and 3) any positive or assertive expressions of how they felt. Very few
expressions were of the third type. At the extreme, one woman counted 99 expressions that detailed how she would hurt others.
Fear is destructive energy. Anyone with that strong a tendency toward negative expressions—allowing fear to run amok—will experience unintended consequences in that destructive energy, whether those expressions are directed internally or externally.
Unresolved fear makes frequent outbursts of anger a day-to-day experience, causing the sufferer to live in a constant state of anxiety. No one desires to live in such a state. The outwardly angry person walks on eggshells, not really wanting to respond in inappropriate ways. Friends and family walk on eggshells to avoid setting off such a person. In the process, relationships suffer.
People who internalize fear are no better off. The assumption is that quiet anger is less destructive. It is not. It is simply less visible.
In both cases, the sufferer feels discombobulated; dissonant and unsettled. The anxiety allows no lasting peace.
The emotion of fear resides in the subconscious mind. Hypnotherapy is very effective at accessing emotional energy, where it facilitates a process of transmuting fear energy to love energy. iChange Therapy then teaches the former sufferer how to live a life that is more positive.